Date: Friday, March 21, 2008
Time: 11:00 PM

8 months, I experienced the best happiness in my life. 8 months, I experienced frightening moments and anger. For 8 months, I was really loved. and to think that i was starting to live, it all came crashing down again.

this time, it's for real. my mind is in tremendous confusion. i don't know what to do anymore. until, i had an idea last week and it caused me my life.

i fought this "high-class gangster wannabe" and well, you all know gangsters. They looove to fight. i continued it until i pissed her off completely and ended up sacrificing my life.

we had an agreement. just to settle our long time ramblings and cursing on text messages, we decided to face off next month. and she said, she's gonna kill me. Yeah, like i'm afraid. I know it would be a dream come true. But there's one thing I wish that would happen...and he already knows it. But i HOPE he remembers it.

as i'm counting the days, i realized, what did i do to deserve this hurting? is it just that EASY to break me apart?

Why are they so numb? They can see me hurting so much but they just continue to hurt me. What did I do to you?

I'll admit my friends are there for me but i know they won't understand. They won't freaking understand what i'm feeling right now. I feel so gutted, depressed and useless.

They may see me smiling and laughing with my friends but deep inside there's a deep wound in my heart that no one can mend. A wound that would change my life, my mind and myself.

The wound started small but then got bigger and bigger. If i would be more depressed, my heart will fall off. I'm starting to feel numb. My life had been great. For 8 months...

It was all my fault, I admit it. Because of my stupid mouth, I had done something I would regret in my life. Why did I do that? Because I'm so stupid. My stupidity had reached its limit but it's still pushing its way up.

God, help me through all of these. Make me strong. Like he wanted me too. Because of him, I was energized. I felt the love.

I think this post is already overwritten. haha. so I have to stop now and have some sleep.

I still need to be strong. It's what he wants and that's what i want.
Have a good day guys.
Thanks for hearing me out... 5have left cookies for me