about the escaper
Joseph Quek
1611.1992
I lived in States while it petty cold here. Well I'm going home, Back to the place where I belong, And where your love has always been enough for me. I'm not running from. No, I think you got me all wrong. I don't regret this life I chose for me. But these places and these faces are getting old, So I'm going home. Well I'm going home.

past escapes
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
May 2009

soul mates
url friend A

resources
x o x o x
tuesdaynight
*For the glow effect tutorial.
Date: Thursday, January 31, 2008
Time: 8:58 PM
for STUPID.

haha! i just encountered a desperate humanoid in YM. LOL. haha. :]] he actually thought i'm weak. LOL. haha. :]]

in his face! LOL. haha.

For You, STUPID.

We're not low class. we just want to keep our profile low. haha.
LOL is not old. haha. It's an abbreviation. DUH. haha. Do you think cavemen used LOL in the past years?! HAHA.

you make me laugh. you were SO desperate to put us down eh? haha. but sorry, you can't do that.

yeah, we speak bad words. what do you care? as if, none of you curses. STUPID.
and about the frat thing? again, many students in YOUR school is a member. STUPID. :]]

sorry for the words. i just find it easy to express my feelings with that. haha.

you ready to fight? get your gang now and we'll face each other. LOL. let's see.

CRIMINALS vs. FAKERS

who would win? haha. you're just faking THAT issue, stupid. it's spreading already. haha. you're good for nothing. don't deny it, FAKER. haha.

THAT issue has been confirmed. sorry if it'll ruin the name of your school. POOR YOU. haha.

i'm so bad. BUT I'M LIKING IT! HAHAHA!!!

you don't have the right to call me low class. STUPID. or walang kwenta. haha. why? are you so old you can call me that? STUPID.

isip bata ka, alam mo? haha. di ka karapat-dapat na tawaging kuya. LOL. haha. di ako pikon noh. ASA KA PA. haha. XD

we're demons and devils.

and so?

we're not champions in the Math contest. are we gonna die?

HAHA.


what kind of accuses are those?! LOL. haha.

open up your eyes, KID. you're far behind. :]
0have left cookies for me

Date: Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Time: 10:48 PM
random blah blahs.

okay. to sum it all up, my day was :
a.) fine
b.) great
c.) happy

i'll admit there are many misunderstandings happened today but we decided we won't think about it as it will result into another big fight. haha.

we had a deal. if we fight or misunderstand, we would do the "thumb war" or whatever you call it. haha. :] the thumb war is a part of our daily routine. hehe.

so so. blah blah.

we did the tongue twister in English class today. ARGH. my tounge twisted. LOL. [what did you expect?! DUH]

this is just a short post.

they're getting me to sleep.

argh.

good night.


i hope SHE die.
0have left cookies for me

Date: Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Time: 9:50 PM
what a day.

i'm itching. haha. :]] and it's on my legs. demmet.

tomorrow is wednesday. and today is tuesday. LOL.

[what's the point? haha]

listening to My Heroine of Silverstein. i damn love it. but it does not go to my dadii. ahaha. :]]para sa iba yan noh. GAGO. sino ba kasing nagsabing iiwan ko dadii ko? gago talaga. ahaha.

we rarely had classes today. and i have NEWS! ahaha. :]]

i passed Math. the catch is, i only got 27 out of the 5o items. LOL. THE HELL I CARE! ahaha! :]] i'm contented that i passed math. RAWR. haha.

and i passed ENGLISH! yahoooooooooo. :] i thought i was gonna fail. because of the crappy mind-twisting test. ahaha. at first, i got 23 out of 40. and then there was an extra question that is worth 5 points. and hell yeah, i got it right.

LOL.:]]

i love english. no matter how hard. but i despise math. thank you very much. HAHA.

enough of the happy part. let's get it on with the goddamn episode this afternoon.

here's the story.

i went with my friends, Nash and Mary, to Sir Gacki [harhar] to submit our miniature landscape. even if it's miniature, my hands were shaking. it's heavy! ahaha. i thought my wrists would break. LOL.

and then when i returned into the classroom, OH, what a sight! :]

i saw dadii, ALONE, with THAT girl. sheesh. i didn't even bother looking at him. i just went to the other room, reading Young Blood 2 and writing how my disorder is attacking again.

it is really hard being BIPOLAR! that illness attacks mercilessly.

it attacked me when i was writing. i think i was carried away with what i wrote, and then suddenly, i didn't realize my illness has been creeping in my mind. and soul.

if you read what i wrote, you'll know how i fight that feeling. i fight with words.

when my illness attacks, all i can think of is blades, suicide and death. i admit, i love dreaming about death A LONG TIME AGO. but now, being cared and loved by someone, i have changed [as i said on my previous post]. i don't want to cut myself, anymore. i promised i'll never do it. and i never did. though i had cut myself a little bit, but it's not visible. hehe.

seriously, i don't want to cut myself. 'cause i made a pact on myself. for my love. for my friends. for everyone who cares. [IF]
i also wrote there, i'll fight even if i die.

i also indicated that someone can't leave a fight unscathed, unbruised and unwounded. so, even if i won't die, the illness would leave a wound on my heart and my mind. no one would mend that wound, so i just let them bleed. no, i'm not going to die.

those cuts, wounds and stabs are signs that mean i stayed strong. i'm keeping myself strong for him. and for myself.

i'm learning to care, can't you see? haha. it's an achievement. but to love myself is an awful and hard thing to do. i'm convinced that i hate myself. i can give good advices on people but never to myself.

he was still ignoring me at that time but then i think he can't resist. [LOL. HE CAN'T RESIST ME! haha]. he went to the room and talked to me.

i was sitting on the floor. dammet. haha. he helped me get up but my body was shaking from the fighting. and eventually, after a few minutes, everything was at peace.

i was smiling. and it continued to the end of the day.

but before we went home, we made a 5-round walk/jog/run in the oval. and i'm damn tired. haha.

good night folks. thanks for reading this. :]
0have left cookies for me

Date: Monday, January 28, 2008
Time: 8:06 PM
it's the 28th again!

haha! :]]

it's the 28th yeabah. haha. :]]

trineat nya ako ng Jabee kanina. wahaha. :] burger steak and fries. ahaha. LOL. :] we're bringing back the old days. ahehehe.

my day was fine, in any way. but i'm fearing for tomorrow.

no.
0have left cookies for me

Date: Saturday, January 26, 2008
Time: 12:33 PM
i'm losing myself.

i'm slowly going INSANE. in a very BAD way.

i'm starting to lose myself. i've completely changed and i hope everybody still respects the person i am now.

it's not their fault i'm changing. but then again, i still hope everybody would be a bit nicer to my change of personality. you think it's easy to change? nah-uh.

these past few days, weeks or even months, i'm preventing myself from changing. but it didn't work. so every single day, i fell into bits of changes.

some you won't see and some you may. but if i'm fully changed, you'll see a new me.
a different me.

people may not like the way i've changed...i can't blame them.

rawr.

i just want the people to understand.

PEOPLE CHANGE.

they shouldn't give a damn about it!

LET THEM BE WHO THEY WANT THEM TO BE!

rawr!
0have left cookies for me

Date: Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Time: 8:38 PM
seeing me dead.

it's my dream. i'm weak. powerless. my world is turning gray once more. and i'm fearing it would turn to black permanently.

when i went home, i felt bad. really bad. we went to my cousin's flat on the riverside and as we were traveling, i was thinking to myself...

"If i jump off the bridge, would someone save me?
Would someone hold me back?
Would anyone care if I jump?
Would anyone think of me when I die?
Would anyone FIND me in the murky water?


i was imagining myself standing on top of the bridge, cars passing by, looking at me as I stand there, having my final breaths of fresh air. And then I jump.

People will scream. Call for help.

But they won't find me. They CAN'T find me. I'm buried in there. Regretting all the mistakes I've done. Regretting how I gave up everything.

If I continued to live, there could be so much more. But, as most of you know, I'm not a strong person. I give up easily. I'm not worthy. Yet I believe that I am.

Now I know I'm not, i'm happy that I die. No one will ever notice, anyway. It's like, i'm a person whom you see everyday, but really never been close to me.

I'm the easy-to-forget type of person. And i'm NOT WORTHY to live.

my heart is fragile. it breaks easily. so handle it with care, as many boxes say. if i love somebody, i almost give everything. all i care is that he's happy. even if i'm not, at least he is. i don't care if I'm hurt by him. All i want is that i take in all of the mistakes, all of the sorrows, and all of the hatred.

All of these are caused by me. By my foolish mistakes.

I suck at love. I suck at strength. I suck. No one would want a sucker. Unless you're a sucker, too.

I take things too seriously.

And now you know.

I'm not worthy.
0have left cookies for me

Date: Sunday, January 20, 2008
Time: 10:13 PM
sunday again. :|

what a sunday. phew.

first of all...

CONGRATULATIONS! :] to my dadii and company who won 4th place in the battle of the bands. hehe. great job. haha. :]]

how many nights did you practice your songs? :] ehehe. i wish i was there to see ya'll perform. haha. :] LOL. i wanna see you all perform "Chop Suey". haha. :] kidding.

ililibre nyo ako. hahaha. humanda kayo. :P

tomorrow is monday again. haays. i hate mondays. and tuesdays. and wednesdays. and thursdays. and fridays. haha. LOL. i hate weekdays! :P especially if there's school. gaahh.

i'm getting tired of school. really. we had a debate once in a room.

we were doing our research, and then we opened up the topic...

ANONG KINALAMAN NG SA KUKUNIN NATING COURSE?

Like for example.

Anong kinalaman ng History sa kukunin nating course? Diba nga past is past? Bakit pa natin ibinabalik?!

Anong kinalaman ng Filipino kung kukunin natin eh Nursing?!

Anong kinalaman ng English kung magiging SCIENTIST tayo?

...

and any other things like that. haha. :]

see. i'm opening up your minds.

i'm going to take MassComm in college and English is very badly needed in that course. and yeah, Filipino also.

But i love English. the only class i'm enjoying...unless the teacher is boring. ahahaha. :]]

...

wahay,

I HATE MONDAYS.

brr.
0have left cookies for me

Date: Saturday, January 19, 2008
Time: 8:12 PM
i love this day. <33

oh god.

i went to Agoo today. 1o am to be exact. i thought he would be there but then he didn't show up.

we had an argument. a simple misunderstanding that turned into a big fight. through text, that is.

i was sitting in one of the stone benches in Plaza dela Virgen. 1o pm UNTIL 2 pm. yes. i didn't take my lunch nor even a snack. nor even a PALAMIG! ahaha.

there was a time when i cried. but...let's forget that thank you very much.

okay. after two pm, i calmed down. realized it was foolish to act like that so i went to THEIR house . . .

and the fun starts there. haha.




i went to their house, as i said. i thought it was okay since he told me there was no other people. but when i got there, these are the words that greeted me :

"Papasukin mo na siya..."

i was ready to hit him in the head with my mp3 player. buset. haha. di man lang sinabi. saws naman. haha.

anyway, his lola offered me snacks. (skyflakes and iced tea). i'm not really hungry even though i didn't ate lunch.

we just talk since they're keeping an eye on us. but, he asked me to stand up and we went to the back part of their house. and we transferred again to the stairs. haha. XD

and he showed me his room, and i'll tell you.

IT'S FREAKING CLEANER THAN MINE. haha. LOL. yes. it's cleaner than my room which is Hell. haha. and Hell is dirty. so... that's it. haha

left their house at 5.3o pm. haha. i'm supposed to meet my bro 5 pm. but of course, extended, because AGAIN, they told me to eat first.

god.

what a day of my life. haha.

as if i belong to their family. haha. LOL. of course i'm not!

XD

tata.

so happy right now

Labels: , ,

0have left cookies for me

Date: Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Time: 12:14 AM
i'm still not okay.

i'm feeling bad. :[ yes, my day was fine. :] but then... well. . . i just felt bad.

there's the deal. which i think i cannot do.
i DEFINITELY cannot be kikay. no. i HATE kikay. i DESPISE kikay. no no no.

i just can't!

nope. sorry.

but then again... there's the consequence. a thing i'm fearing. ARGH.

no no no. :||
0have left cookies for me

Date: Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Time: 12:47 AM
you're messing with the wrong person.

may nakaaway ako. sa text. demmet. taga-Baguio.

considered me as a :

Bitch.
Slut.
Low-class.

damn. as if she is a high-class bitch.

no, i don't give a damn with these people but then again, i won't let them ruin my life. ha.

no you won't bitch.

who cares if you're older than me?

sabunin nga natin yang bunganga mo para di ka magsabi ng mga bad words EVERY SENTENCE. para kang di babae eh. tss. mas lalaki ka pa ata kung magsalita kaysa sa mga lalake. haha.

TOMBOY! woohoo! diba gangster ka? woot. haha.

MAY GANGSTER BANG NAKAHEELS?!

never mess with someone like me. you think i'm just a kid. so? you look like a 9o-year old granny. haha. LOL.

i'm very mad at you. it's nice to imagine that a gun is pointed in your head and then BANG! blood will drip in your face.

haha. IN YOUR FACE BITCH!

never call me those names again, or I'll kick your ass.

gusto mo suntukan nalang eh. marunong ka bang manuntok? haha. sige nga. kung gangster ka, ibigay mo lahat ng makakaya mo. tss.

i do hate you. oh yes, i do.

>:]
0have left cookies for me

Date: Monday, January 7, 2008
Time: 9:14 PM
tagged by ate Paw

tagged by ate Paw.

The Rule: Remove 1 question from below, and add in your personal question, make it a total of 20 questions, then tag 10 people in your list, list them out at the end of this post. Notify them in their chat box that he/she has been tagged. Whoever does the tag will have blessings from all.

1. At what age do you wish to marry?

- if i have a job. :]

2. What color do you like most?

- black!

3. If one of you’re friends will leave and migrate,what would be the last thing you’ll say to him/her?

- i'll miss you!

4. Where is the place that you want to go the most?

- ahm.. Europe. ahehe. <33

5. Which part of you that you love the most?

- i love myself for being me.

6. When you encounter a sad moment what would you do?

- listen to music.

7. What are you afraid to lose the most?

- all the people i love.

8. If you win $1 million, what would you do?

- what else?! spend it!

9. If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?

- if he confesses too. haha. LOL.

10. Why are you answering this tag?

- because ate paw tagged me. XD

11. How many children do you have when u get married?

- two?haha

12. Till now, what is the moment that you regret the most?

- dunno. haha

13. Which type of person do you hate the most?

- posers. fakers. backstabbers.bitches.

14. If you had one wish what would you wish for?

- everything to be at peace.

15. Song you hate?

- err. madame.

17. Do you have any soul mates?

- i think. not. haha

18. It’s already 2008. Do you have a new year’s resolution?

- meron. pero di ko yan ata magagawa. haha.

19. Name of that someone you love.

- aynako. KOKEY!

20. Why can't you stop gigging?

- because i love it. haha. LOL.



1o people. hmm

ate Rose. ate Camille. Jaye. ate Vea. ate Angie. ate Jamie. ate Timie. ate Kimmie. ate Allyssa. ate Liza. <33
1have left cookies for me

Date: Sunday, January 6, 2008
Time: 10:14 PM
numb.

i am numb again... well, i'm on my way to being numb.

after i cry these buckets of tears, i'll be numb. i won't be feeling anything except emptiness.

i'm going through this again. on my own. alone. again. for the millionth time in my life.

i'm getting good at it. feeling numb that is.
2have left cookies for me

Date: Thursday, January 3, 2008
Time: 9:05 PM
Scrapblog

0have left cookies for me

Date: Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Time: 11:05 PM
hell.

no. there's no connection with my title and my post. don't know what to put it in my subject, so i just put my fave word for the day : Hell.

my day has been either :

a.) great.
b.) half-annoying.
c.) bad.
d.) none of the above.

you guess but i'll answer. it's D.
because i've been happy. not great, because there has been conflictions. not half-annoying because...well, i don't know. not bad because i've been happy, okay? got it now?

and now, i'm so tired. i'm sleepy. my eyes are beginning to drop. but i still managed to open it up and post here in my blog.

*yawn*

i was reading Blog ni Inday awhile ago, and WHOO. Nosebleed! haha. Sosyal na katulong, YEAH! Inday is damn amazing. Who the hell woud think a housemaid is THAT sosyalin. haha.

she could even beat the MOST FLUENT in ENGLISH in the world, man. haha. Thumbs up for Inday who, I know, would be a successful housemaid/celebrity in the future. haha.

haha. what a fake laugh. i just need it to overcome my emotional depression attack last night. it's still attacking, anyway, but not as painful as last night.

HAAAY...
-expression i use when i get bored or when i'm not in the mood, or plain upset.

HAAAY...

damn bored. want to stay wake up, but can't force my eyes to go up. so i'll update this maybe tomorrow?

so long. and good night.

<33 love from, me.
1have left cookies for me

Date: Tuesday, January 1, 2008
Time: 8:24 PM
blood drips from my eyes.

i want to cry. i'm hurt. my heart is bleeding. it's been bleeding since this morning. i once again find myself alone in a world full of people. i can't seem to find my way out from this freakish hellhole.

there are times when i feel i'm on top or not that much maybe on the middle. but most of the time [like, right now], i feel i'm drowning.

people never understand. they will never. do they understand how being a bipolar is freaking hard?

it's just so hard to deal. symptoms of being a bipolar are unbalanced mood swings and self-mutilation. i have dealt with those. and yes, i'm bipolar. freaking proud of it, too.

my love for everybody... it doesn't make sense to them. maybe because i'm not really good at loving someone. not really good at loving everybody. makes me look like a total shit.

okay. so i'm dumb in love. can you teach me how? i need to be alright again.

i feel my heart filled with tears. tears of blood. i feel hopeless. worthless. what does love really mean? all i can feel is pain right now. my eyes are producing tears, due to the fact that i'm listening to these sad, mellow love songs. i can't help it. i need music. i don't care if it makes me cry. these sounds always comfort me. even in the worst way possible.

feeling cold. feeling alone. got the worst new year ever.

i guess i'm just unlucky.

damn. i hate this.

Labels: , ,

0have left cookies for me

Date:
Time: 6:23 PM

50 ODD things about you! If you opened
this, FILL IT OUT! Learn 50 things
about
your friends, and let them learn 50
things about you!
1. Do you like cheese?
- yes!

2. Have you ever smoked?
- err. nope.

3. are you a chainsmoker/changesmoker?
- hnde. haha

4. Your favorite song?
- dame ee. haha. kanta ng Alesana at Senses Fail. :]

5. Do you get nervous before doctor
appointments?
- medyo.

6. What do you think of hotdogs?
- food. tangek.

7. Favorite Christmas song?
- jingle bell rock

8. What do you prefer to drink in the
morning.
- water

9. Can you do push ups?
- yap

10. Favorite super-hero?
- shadowcat!

11. What's your favorite piece of
jewelry?
- ring

12. Favorite hobby?
- surfing the net.

13. Secret weapon to get the opposite
sex?
- ewan. haha. XD



15. What one trait do you hate about
yourself?
- lack of confidence

16. Middle Name?
- manuel

17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact
moment
- aylabhim .
- depressed.
- damn.

18. Name 3 things you bought yesterday?
- nothing

19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink?
- water
- pepsi.
- milk

20. Current worry right now?
- him.

21. Current hate?
- THEM 3! dammit.

22. Favorite place?
- hell. [my room]

23. How will you bring in the New Year?
- damn.

24. Where would you like to go? -
- london.paris.

25 . Name three people who will
complete
this and return?
- ewan lang. wala.

26. Do you own doll shoes?
- yep

27. What color of shirt are you
wearing?
- darkblue


29. Can you whistle?
- a little bit.

30. Favorite color/s?
- blue
- black
- white
- gray

31. Would you like to be a pirate?
- ayaw. :]

32. What songs do you sing in the
shower
room
- apology. XD

33. Favorite girl's name?
- chelsea

34. Favorite boy's name?
- wala. kokey? HAHA,

35. What's in your pocket right now?
- walang pocket.

36. Last thing that made you laugh?
- ahm... ewan.

37. best bed sheets as a child?
- dunno.

38. Worst injury you've ever had?
- wala pa naman.

39. Do you love where you live?
- nope.

40. How many computers do you have in
your house?
- 2

41. Who is your loudest friend?
- walang frend

42. How many dogs do you have?
- none.

43. Does someone have a crush on you?
- oo. KAPAL!

45. What is your favorite book?
- harry potter?

46. What is your favorite candy?
- yung magazine.

47. Favorite Sports Teams?
- ateneo blue eagles. CHRIS TIU IS <3

48. What song do you want played at
your
funeral?
- ahm...APOLOGY.

49. What were you doing 12 AM last
night?
- kumakain habang nanonood ng X-Men.

50. What is the first thing you thought
of when you woke up?
- buset.
0have left cookies for me