Date:
Friday, March 21, 2008
Time: 11:00 PM
8 months, I experienced the best happiness in my life. 8 months, I experienced frightening moments and anger. For 8 months, I was really loved. and to think that i was starting to live, it all came crashing down again.
this time, it's for real. my mind is in tremendous confusion. i don't know what to do anymore. until, i had an idea last week and it caused me my life.
i fought this "high-class gangster wannabe" and well, you all know gangsters. They looove to fight. i continued it until i pissed her off completely and ended up sacrificing my life.
we had an agreement. just to settle our long time ramblings and cursing on text messages, we decided to face off next month. and she said, she's gonna kill me. Yeah, like i'm afraid. I know it would be a dream come true. But there's one thing I wish that would happen...and he already knows it. But i HOPE he remembers it.
as i'm counting the days, i realized, what did i do to deserve this hurting? is it just that EASY to break me apart?
Why are they so numb? They can see me hurting so much but they just continue to hurt me. What did I do to you?
I'll admit my friends are there for me but i know they won't understand. They won't freaking understand what i'm feeling right now. I feel so gutted, depressed and useless.
They may see me smiling and laughing with my friends but deep inside there's a deep wound in my heart that no one can mend. A wound that would change my life, my mind and myself.
The wound started small but then got bigger and bigger. If i would be more depressed, my heart will fall off. I'm starting to feel numb. My life had been great. For 8 months...
It was all my fault, I admit it. Because of my stupid mouth, I had done something I would regret in my life. Why did I do that? Because I'm so stupid. My stupidity had reached its limit but it's still pushing its way up.
God, help me through all of these. Make me strong. Like he wanted me too. Because of him, I was energized. I felt the love.
I think this post is already overwritten. haha. so I have to stop now and have some sleep.
I still need to be strong. It's what he wants and that's what i want.
Have a good day guys.
Thanks for hearing me out... 5have left cookies for me
Time: 11:00 PM
and to think i was starting to live...
8 months, I experienced the best happiness in my life. 8 months, I experienced frightening moments and anger. For 8 months, I was really loved. and to think that i was starting to live, it all came crashing down again.
this time, it's for real. my mind is in tremendous confusion. i don't know what to do anymore. until, i had an idea last week and it caused me my life.
i fought this "high-class gangster wannabe" and well, you all know gangsters. They looove to fight. i continued it until i pissed her off completely and ended up sacrificing my life.
we had an agreement. just to settle our long time ramblings and cursing on text messages, we decided to face off next month. and she said, she's gonna kill me. Yeah, like i'm afraid. I know it would be a dream come true. But there's one thing I wish that would happen...and he already knows it. But i HOPE he remembers it.
as i'm counting the days, i realized, what did i do to deserve this hurting? is it just that EASY to break me apart?
Why are they so numb? They can see me hurting so much but they just continue to hurt me. What did I do to you?
I'll admit my friends are there for me but i know they won't understand. They won't freaking understand what i'm feeling right now. I feel so gutted, depressed and useless.
They may see me smiling and laughing with my friends but deep inside there's a deep wound in my heart that no one can mend. A wound that would change my life, my mind and myself.
The wound started small but then got bigger and bigger. If i would be more depressed, my heart will fall off. I'm starting to feel numb. My life had been great. For 8 months...
It was all my fault, I admit it. Because of my stupid mouth, I had done something I would regret in my life. Why did I do that? Because I'm so stupid. My stupidity had reached its limit but it's still pushing its way up.
God, help me through all of these. Make me strong. Like he wanted me too. Because of him, I was energized. I felt the love.
I think this post is already overwritten. haha. so I have to stop now and have some sleep.
I still need to be strong. It's what he wants and that's what i want.
Have a good day guys.
Thanks for hearing me out... 5have left cookies for me
Date:
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Time: 10:21 PM
so much has been happening.
my life is being tested again. and now, i'm in the verge of crying my heart out again.
tomorrow is our finals but i don't know if i'm ready. yes, i have reviewed everything and that but then what happened last friday gave my mind a total jumpstart. As if my mind was being sucked into electric wires.
what did i do to deserve it?
he said all i know was...IS... jealousy.
okay, so i admit. i MAY BE the world's jealous queen. but you can't blame me. though i want you to blame me. [urm.. duh?]
when i heard those words i was like, "Uhm. What? Are you serious?"
and they were like way serious...darn.
i thought at that time, "What's the use of loving when that someone doesn't even love you really?"
i was also like, shit. Why are you all being HYPOCRITES?!
i was hurting. they can see it.
good thing there's no classes, though. i was crying in our tambayan for two hours straight. with Chynn, Lyn and Nash by my side.
i lost my appetite so i just hang out alone during lunch time since Lyn and Nash had to go somewhere else. And Chynn? Well, she disappeared after we left her with her groupmates.
so, i was hanging out alone when suddenly someone sat on the floor in front of me. Surprise, surprise. It's him.
I asked myself,"What the hell is he doing here? Wasn't he supposed to be with HER?"
And then he talked. Explained. a bit only.
I wasn't satisfied.
and now..
*yawn*
i'm sleepy.
tata. 0have left cookies for me
Time: 10:21 PM
god.
so much has been happening.
my life is being tested again. and now, i'm in the verge of crying my heart out again.
tomorrow is our finals but i don't know if i'm ready. yes, i have reviewed everything and that but then what happened last friday gave my mind a total jumpstart. As if my mind was being sucked into electric wires.
what did i do to deserve it?
he said all i know was...IS... jealousy.
okay, so i admit. i MAY BE the world's jealous queen. but you can't blame me. though i want you to blame me. [urm.. duh?]
when i heard those words i was like, "Uhm. What? Are you serious?"
and they were like way serious...darn.
i thought at that time, "What's the use of loving when that someone doesn't even love you really?"
i was also like, shit. Why are you all being HYPOCRITES?!
i was hurting. they can see it.
good thing there's no classes, though. i was crying in our tambayan for two hours straight. with Chynn, Lyn and Nash by my side.
i lost my appetite so i just hang out alone during lunch time since Lyn and Nash had to go somewhere else. And Chynn? Well, she disappeared after we left her with her groupmates.
so, i was hanging out alone when suddenly someone sat on the floor in front of me. Surprise, surprise. It's him.
I asked myself,"What the hell is he doing here? Wasn't he supposed to be with HER?"
And then he talked. Explained. a bit only.
I wasn't satisfied.
and now..
*yawn*
i'm sleepy.
tata. 0have left cookies for me
Date:
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Time: 10:22 PM
i haven't been in touch with my blog because of a stupid thing. basta. don't mind it. i'm temporarily banned from this laptop.
i should be reviewing for our finals next week but, as usual, i've been very lazy again. haha.
my life is at stake again. i don't know if he's in or out in my life right now. but i'm feeling (and fearing) that he's out. :(
oh god.
my head is spinning. my heart is beating fast.
WHAT THE HELL?!
WHAT IS THIS?!
i'll be back on the 18th.
i promise.
i love you all. 0have left cookies for me
Time: 10:22 PM
first post for march.
i haven't been in touch with my blog because of a stupid thing. basta. don't mind it. i'm temporarily banned from this laptop.
i should be reviewing for our finals next week but, as usual, i've been very lazy again. haha.
my life is at stake again. i don't know if he's in or out in my life right now. but i'm feeling (and fearing) that he's out. :(
oh god.
my head is spinning. my heart is beating fast.
WHAT THE HELL?!
WHAT IS THIS?!
i'll be back on the 18th.
i promise.
i love you all. 0have left cookies for me