about the escaper
Joseph Quek
1611.1992
I lived in States while it petty cold here. Well I'm going home, Back to the place where I belong, And where your love has always been enough for me. I'm not running from. No, I think you got me all wrong. I don't regret this life I chose for me. But these places and these faces are getting old, So I'm going home. Well I'm going home.

past escapes
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
May 2009

soul mates
url friend A

resources
x o x o x
tuesdaynight
*For the glow effect tutorial.
Date: Sunday, February 24, 2008
Time: 11:37 PM
damn life.

i'm turning emotional again. i thought i was changing...no, i thought i AM changed. but i believe that i can't let go of my past personality that fast. it still left a scar on me.

it's healing. but everytime, i still find a way to open that scar again. it's so hard. i wanna be at peace.

my life would be fine if THOSE people are not in my life right now.

Would they just leave me at peace? If they won't, i'll be really at PEACE.
[geddit?]

LIFE SUCKS FOR THE NTH TIME
0have left cookies for me

Date: Saturday, February 23, 2008
Time: 7:14 PM
freaking out.

daym.

i'm freaking out.

WHY CAN'T SHE JUST STAY OUT OF MY LIFE?!
I KNOW IT'S FOR MY OWN GOOD BUT CAN'T SHE SEE? SHE'LL BE RUINING MY LIFE!

IF THAT DAY COMES, MY LIFE IN THE FOLLOWING DAYS WOULD BE HELL!
I TOLD YOU I'M NOT STRONG! I'M FREAKING WEAK!

I'M HOPING THAT DAY WOULDN'T COME OR ELSE I'M DOOMED.
OR, WORSE, DEAD.

NO ONE COULD UNDERSTAND ME. NO ONE WOULD!
DAMN YOU WOMAN!

DAMN YOU ALL! MY LIFE IS NOW MIXED UP BECAUSE OF YOU!
IT'S ALL PART OF LIFE'S RICH TAPESTRY. CAN'T YOU JUST UNDERSTAND THAT?!

I'M TELLING THIS IN MY BLOG 'CAUSE I'M NOT OPEN TO ANYONE. NOT EVEN HIM...,,
I'M TOO SCARED TO SAY SOMETHING. TOO SHY YOU'D KNOW ALL MY SECRETS.

because since i was a kid i never shared my BIGGEST and DARKEST secrets...not even to my best friend who i loved so mucch.

please understand my situation. i'm not happy in our house. i'm just grateful my brother is here...haay.

if only they can read this.

damn.

LiFE SUCKS! DEMMET!
0have left cookies for me

Date: Saturday, February 16, 2008
Time: 10:45 PM
my valentines. <33

sooo, eto nangyari haha, *kilig*

maaga akong pumasok ngayon. haha. XD 6.3o nasa school na. LOL. [agaaa!] tapos hanggang 7.3o naghintay ako kay Karlo .wee. haha. naexcite kasi ako sa surprise kasi. XD
tapos nung dumating sila [kasama si bespren nya], may hawak-hawak siyang rose. akala ko akin. XD haha. yun pala sa adviser namin.

medyo nalungkot ako nun. hehe.

perooooo. yun pala. [kasama yung bespren nya] nasa bag nila yung para sa amin. haha. XD RED ROSE. [check out the pics mamaya sa picture perfect thread ko. XD]. ayun. super kilig naman. napa-hug ako. joke. haha. :]]

ewan ko ba. tapos magkatabi kami buong umaga. yun lang. haha. LOL. kidding.

nung lunch

nagdecide kami na sa Jollibee kumain [check the pics mamaya. XD]. AKO ang nanlibre. haha. kasi siya yung manlilibre pag pumunta kami ng Baguio. wahaha. ayun. di namin alam andun din yung ibang "couples". hehe. nakisama na kami. at ayun. sobrang saya. haha. muntikan pa kaming ma-late sa 1st period namin ng hapon eh. haha.

tapos, nung pagkauwi, Jollibee ule. Pero ngayon, kasama yung adviser namin. Ayun, masaya pa rin talaga. haha. XD
hanggang ngayon nakangiti ako. wahaha. parang baliw. LOL.

siguro kasi, eto yung pinakaunang Valentines Day na sobrang saya ko. unlike noong past years. wahaha. saya talaga. XD

the end
0have left cookies for me

Date: Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Time: 8:04 PM
hearts day is tomorrow!

it's Valentines Day tomorrow. i wonder what would happen? :]

THEY [referring to rawr, kranz and joanes] told US [me, danika and xhang] that they have a surprise for us tomorrow. WHAT WOULD THAT BE?!

wag naman sanang sumayaw ng kagat-labi. HAHA. LOL!

KADIREEEEEE. haha. XD

omg. dadalhin ko pa pala yung si latest bear. haha. LOL. XD wala kasi akong maisip na name. kaya ayan. LATEST BEAR. kurne. wahaha.



bakit di pa siya nagtetext? haay. ano nanaman kaya nangyayari dun? arrggh.

please. magtext ka na.
nak naman eh.
rawr.
0have left cookies for me

Date: Monday, February 11, 2008
Time: 11:12 PM
tired eyes.

my tired eyes are going down. harhar. i'm so tired looking for photoshop brushes [yeah! i finally got my own PS. rawr] and i quit. haha. i may have to do some serious photoshopping on the weekends. or whenever i could be in front of the computer all day.

oh. i also got my PlayStation Portable! YEEAAAAAH. i was convincing my dad but then he made up excuses and at the very least person i expected bought me that PSP, MY MOM!

when i was telling them that i really, REALLY want the PSP, my mom was a little bit annoyed. haha. i was so insisting that day.

and then she bought it for me. i want to go with a black one but they were out of stock [GRR]. Luckily, they have white. So white's the color i chose. rawr. haha. :]]



i'm really, really tired! i wanna go to sleep but we still have to finish Billy and Mandy. haha.

adik na!

school days are countable. haha. :]] is that a word? i'm very excited about the days when we have nothing to do anymore.

in short, NO CLASSES! haha.



okay. gotta sleep.
0have left cookies for me

Date: Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Time: 9:27 PM
my world is now clear.

nooo. my life doesn't revolve in Clear Shampoo. [i don't use Clear. haha] What i mean is, my status is in normal condition again. hehe. he just CAN'T resist me. HAHA. XD i'm feeling a bit girly now. DAMN. haha.

anyway. we didn't do much this day. since it's Ash Wednesday, we held a mass at 1o-11.3o. :] we only had class on Biology and Arts. In the afternoon, they told us we don't have classes and there was a big YAY. haha. :]

sadly, RAWR wasn't able to come to school this afternoon because he wasn't feeling well. It was a bit lonely seeing others having their own partners. haha. [okay, okay. I'M JEALOUS!]

LUNCH

Louis made us laugh like he always do. But today may be the best day we ever laughed.

Okay. I'm exaggerating again. But I really think it is.
Though it is a bit GREEN...well...it's GREEN! haha. XD

He sang songs like "Greatest Love of All","Babae Po Ako", et cetera, then he replaced some lines with some 'not-really-good-for-the-ears' lines. tss. you know what i mean.
but then again, that's what Louis does. ALWAYS.

And in came Kranz. He plugged a CD into the player and what sound that came out surprised us... and made us laugh again.

A 3 year-old kid [who, Kranz informed us, was his cousin] was singing those kind of songs you hear today. it was so cute and we were all laughing. haha. :]

then Mam Dels came in, told us they had a meeting...So that's where it all ended.

We just made our project in Arts and we went home. But before i went home, i dropped RAWR's CD player in their house. haha. and i went back to school because i left my book and then went home.

and here i am.

:]
0have left cookies for me

Date: Monday, February 4, 2008
Time: 7:42 PM
crying

why do we cry?

it's a way to release all of our anger, all of our despairs, and all of our fears. A single teardrop can be deadly to someone's eyes (figuratively, of course).

Crying is my daily routine these days. After what happened, it's all i can think to do. Especially since I didn't have anyone right now. And everything has changed. It won't be the same anymore.

i feel like crying right now. i got so much damn problems i don't think i can handle. if only i was strong enough to do it on my own. i could kill a person.

this day, i tried holding back the tears. but it all came crashing down when i was walking home. i was with him at that time. i was with my "BEST FRIEND"...yes, he is my best friend now. :[ and i thought, it would be the last time would be with him...

and so i was crying. under the heat of the sun. i felt so down. i felt so hopeless. i felt so ALONE.

no. make that, i FEEL so alone. isama mo pa yung pagdinig ko ng Discovering the Waterfront ng Silverstein. bwisit talaga.

bakit nya pa kasi kinanta-kanta yan kanina. ang saket tuloy. haay.

the atmosphere changed when i went to school. it's as if cold air is surrounding me...

...

To think about it, it's quite chilly this morning. haha. so, what the hell.


i really feel like crying. no joke. but the problem is, i can't let it out. i don't know why...it's like, my eyes are pushing it back.

why?Why?WHY?!

i'm feeling weak. i don't want to feel like this. can't THOSE people leave me alone? it's all i wanted. i know they tell us these things. but we're not stupid enough to do something naughty. DANG.

can't THOSE people see that they're making our lives HELL-er than it is? that's why we're being bad. we're being a rebel. we're being (as what you call) pasaway.

i know it's the right thing that you lot are telling us off, but then, do you think it's too much? you never know you're hurting them too much.

we're not dumb. we're doing what we want. or for some people, it's just a way to tell you something. we're sending messages.

and i hope you would all understand us.

bear with it.



dang. i'm losing all controls. please, i'm fighting it...isn't it enough? i don't want torture now. you know i'm weak.

crying would be the result. :'[ no one would notice me. like this morning, no one noticed i'm breaking down... maybe because i was too busy being mad at myself. or busy being depressed. ..

[listening to Half Alive by Secondhand Serenade]

haay. at least, it's not Discovering, anymore.

my world is now cold. it turned black. and i'm fearing it would be permanent.

God, help me make it through tomorrow. you're my only savior. and my guide. :'[

good night everyone.
0have left cookies for me

Date: Sunday, February 3, 2008
Time: 6:11 PM
freaked.

i'm not the same anymore. i've completely changed. oh. wrong. i didn't change. i just went back to my old self. :|

but i deduct the slashing and the cutting because it is banned in my life now. haha..

the status of me and my enemy : he said sorry. i didn't care. i don't care. after all he said to me and my school? nah-uh. no chance of making up. sorry, dude. no chance. i'm not that kind of person. you hurt me so much. :[

for my <3 : even if you're mad at me. haha. labyoo. hope you can still forgive me. he didn't really texted me. he just missent it to me. i'm sorry you have to deal with this. i didn't know. i promise i'll pay you back. don't worry. i'm still gonna be here.



i hate it when i'm losing myself. [damn disorder!] i'm always freaked out. like, right now. i feel it up creeping. i'm beginning to get nervous and shaky. oh no no. i can't bear it.

my disorder is becoming stronger and stronger than ever. i may give up easily. and i may have to die sooner than anyone may think.

[listening to Last Look by Chicosci]

he's the only one who can help me survive in these challenges. i DO hope he will forgive me. and forget the things that had happened. but i think, there's no chance. :'[

*wish.wish.wish*

i hope everything will be back to normal before the 14th. it's HARD being alone in the 14th, ya know? it's hard to get jealous with everybody who has their own lovebirds.

[listening to Half Alive by Secondhand Serenade]


"i'm almost alive and i need you to try and save me."

haay. i'm über nervous right now, really.

I REALLY HOPE ALL PEOPLE CAN GO BACK TO NORMAL.

i love the way it used to be. :[
0have left cookies for me

Date: Saturday, February 2, 2008
Time: 7:25 PM
i'm falling into pieces.

my worst nightmare had happened last night. i can't believe it. i was so stunned...

OKAY.

so we talked about it. had a plan. but the plan's not working. and i'm fearing lots of things now.

it'll never be the same. I will never be the same. i thought this morning i was recovering from it. but NO. i'm still falling back down. argh. i was trying not to release the demon in my mind, but he's spreading his virus. argh. no. i will fight it.

so what am i going to do? all i could think is suck it all up. cry it all out.

WTF. i can't forget it. i can't let go. no no no. it's not the same anymore.

my smiles will be fake. my laughs will be sounding less than what is heard. my soul is heavy and my mind is not working properly. i feel like crying my heart out now. but i can't.

this morning, i cried. my eyes were puffy all day. and still, my eyes are sleepy.

i can't fight for what i want. damn.

that's the reason i'm losing everything i love. :[
0have left cookies for me